


Killing the Shadows

by clgfanfic



Series: Soldier of Fortune Inc - Way He Talks [3]
Category: Soldier of Fortune Inc.
Genre: F/M, Het
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 09:49:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/559647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clgfanfic/pseuds/clgfanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post "Tight Spot."  Benny Ray and Margo get closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Killing the Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in the zine Don't Ask, Don't Tell #3 under the pen name Caryn Mayo.

Benny Ray stifled a yawn as he slipped his key into the lock at the Silver Star.  He opened the door and stepped inside, careful to be quiet.  It was nearing two in the morning and he didn't want to wake anyone who might be staying at the former hotel turned high tech headquarters for the special ops team.

Once inside, he closed the door behind him, then quickly re-set the alarm before it went off.  Who would have thought that an "all day" trip to Knott's Berry Farm with his kids would actually mean he wouldn't get home until two a.m.!  He shook his head, wishing – not for the first time – that he had his children's seemingly bottomless energy supply.  But it had been a great day, and a flush of warm satisfaction added a bounce to his step as he started up the stairs.

He climbed quietly to the second floor where the five large suites were located.  The five-man covert ops unit had been on stand down since he, Chance and C.J. had rescued Matt and Margo from a North Korean prison.  Their captivity had taken a heavy toll on both of them, physically and mentally.  Benny Ray shook his head, wondering if he could have survived the same ordeal.

Matt and Margo had physically healed in short order, but the mental scars were slower to mend.

Showing a great deal of understanding and wisdom – in Benny Ray's opinion – Trout insisted that both Matt and Margo see an expert on POWs and their recovery.  The bi-weekly private sessions, which lasted for almost two months, seemed to have helped, too, although more so for Matt than for Margo.  Once the mandated meetings were over Margo had taken off for a few days, disappearing up the coast with an unnamed lady-friend for some "quality shopping time," although he suspected that she just needed to talk about what had happened with another woman.  When she'd returned she seemed much more like her old self, and things had finally started getting back to what passed for "normal" for the operators.

The last few days they'd been concentrating on getting back into peak physical shape, knowing that their "vacation" would no doubt come to an abrupt end sometime soon.  And that was why Benny Ray had asked for, and taken, a day off to spend with his kids while he still had the chance.  Knowing how close it had been for Matt and Margo had reminded him, again, just how precious his time with his children really was.

On the second floor, he moved silently past Matt's suite, pausing for a moment to listen at the closed door.  The major had been plagued by recurring nightmares for about a month after his rescue, but they seemed to have disappeared after the sessions with the counselor.  Nodding his satisfaction, the sniper moved past an empty suite – Chance obviously having opted to spend the night at his hanger loft, or a new girlfriend's – toward his own room.  He glanced farther down the hall, noting that C.J.'s suite was also unoccupied – the door standing almost wide open – but Margo's door was closed.  She was there.

As he reached his own open door he heard it – a soft, plaintive whine.  He glanced back at Matt's closed door and waited.

He heard the sound again, but it wasn't coming from Shepherd's suite.  It was coming from Margo's.

Benny Ray frowned.  She hadn't been having nightmares, at least not as far as he knew, although he doubted she would have shared that fact with any of them even if she had been.  Being the only woman on an all-man team, Margo had a tendency to keep anything she thought might be perceived as a weakness hidden from them for as long as possible.

He moved to her door and listened.  A sharp creak and another soft moan was all it took.  Opening the door, Benny Ray leaned into the suite, checking for any signs of trouble.  Not that he thought anyone could get past the security systems they had in place, but you couldn't be too careful.

Margo's curtains were half-open, moonlight illuminating her room with dim, silver light.  There was nothing out of place, but she was tossing, an occasional whimper or soft moan escaping from under the blankets.  _Definitely a nightmare_ , he thought.

He started to leave, but stopped when she gasped, jerked, and sat up with a startled, half-strangled cry.

"Hey, everything okay?" Benny Ray asked softly, knowing it was a damned stupid question, but he couldn't think of anything else to say and he wanted to make sure she was awake.

Margo's head jerked up, her eyes going wide as she gulped in several deep breaths.  Recognizing him, she nodded, then hesitated and shook her head as her shoulders sagged.  "Can you–?"  She sucked in a deep breath and asked in a rough voice, "Would you sit with me for a minute?"

He stepped into her room, closing the door behind him and crossed to her bed.  Sitting on the edge, he reached out and gently gripped her shoulder.  "Bad dream?" he asked, sincerely worried about her; even in the partial darkness he could see she was terrified.

She nodded, still almost panting for breath, and he felt her tremble as his question brought some or all of the images back.  He silently cursed himself for causing her more pain.

"You need anything?" he asked.  "Some water?"

A shake of her head, then she looked up, meeting his eyes for a brief moment before looking away and asking in a whisper, "Hold me?"

He scooted closer, taking her into his arms and cradling her against his chest.  Margo sagged against him, her shoulders beginning to quake as tears forced themselves free.  Rocking her slowly side to side, he snuggled her a little closer and tightened his grip while she cried.

A soft hiccup several minutes later told him the worst of the flood was over and he loosened his hug.  "Want t' talk about it?" he asked softly, then felt her shake her head, her cheek brushing against his shirt.

He leaned back a little and started to release her, but her grip immediately tightened and he stopped, willing to stay with her as long as she wanted him to.

The silence that settled over them was something of a relief for the sniper.  Benny Ray Riddle wasn't a man of words, and trying to make small talk was almost painful for him.  But comfort was something he understood – having someone to hold onto.  He closed his eyes and listened to her breathe, wishing that he could chase away the shadows that haunted her, but he knew that was impossible.  She'd have to face whatever had happened to her and Matt and make some kind of peace with it on her own terms, and in her own time.  There was really nothing he could do, except be there when she needed him – like now – and hope that was a help and a comfort.

Matt had told him about most, if not all, that had happened to them in Korea a few nights earlier when the two men had been alone at the Silver Star, and well-mellowed after a shared twelve-pack of beer.  The mind games and deprivations had pushed Shepherd to the edge of his endurance.  But it was thinking that Margo was being tortured that had finally pushed him over the edge.  Not that Benny Ray blamed him, or judged him for his reaction.  No one could know how they'd react in that kind of situation until it happened to them.  He was absolutely sure both Matt and Margo had done their best, and that was all anyone could ask of a prisoner.

The sniper reflected briefly on what the North Koreans might have done to make Margo scream like Matt described – so they could record it, which seemed damned unfair – then decided that he really didn't want to know.  Whatever it had been, her reaction was just enough to allow them create an endless sound loop to be played for Matt's benefit.  The unceasing sound finally drove Shepherd beyond what he could take and he'd snapped, agreeing to tell them whatever they wanted to know if they'd just leave Margo alone.

Benny Ray was absolutely sure he would have done the same thing, and probably a whole helluva lot sooner than Matt had.  Not that he blamed the man for holding out.  It took more courage than the sniper thought he had.

His thoughts faltered when Margo began to rub her hands lightly over his flannel shirt.  Goosebumps erupted across his back and chest and he trembled slightly under her light touch.  It had been nearly four months since she'd caressed him like that – back in October when they were both still jazzed over having survived a crash landing in the South American jungle.[1]  And that had only been the second time that they had made love, the first coming after they all had just barely managed to survive a mission in Bosnia that had gone wrong on almost every front.[2]  Both moments were etched deeply into his memory and his heart, and he treasured them.

Unable to resist, he responded to her touch, reaching up and stroking her hair.  He was intrigued by what was happening between them, wondering what it was she wanted.  Her touch was intended to arouse him, but he wasn't at all sure that it was sex – or him – she really desired.  But if she needed him, he knew he couldn't deny her.

He pulled back a little and touched her lips with the tip of his finger.  Then he traced a line down her forehead and along the ridge of her nose.  She closed her eyes, her breath coming a little quicker.  She was beautiful, so beautiful, and he wanted her, desperately, but he couldn't ask.  He couldn't initiate an intimate moment.  Margo had to make the first move.

He continued to stroke her hair, moving ever so slowly, then used his thumb to trace the line of her jaw.  When he touched her lips again, she kissed his fingertips, then licked them lightly, letting him know that he shouldn't stop.  He didn't and she finally captured one of his fingers in her mouth, sucking on it.

Given the choice, he might only have explored her, touching, tracing, kissing, suckling.  But with her move he couldn't _not_ make love to her because he knew that was exactly what she wanted from him, even if she hadn't asked aloud.

Benny Ray lowered his head and gently touched his lips to hers.  It was a tender kiss, powerful in its restraint, enthralling in its promise.  He was still leaving it up to her, giving her a chance to change her mind.  She responded again, opening her mouth to him, inviting him to love her.

He captured her parted lips with his while his hands moved over her back, caressing her over the satin nightclothes she wore.  Then, with one hand, he trailed his fingers across her chest, seeking out one satin-covered nub, then the other, running his fingertip lightly around her nipples, then squeezing them gently.

Margo's breasts began to tingle under his ministrations and she moaned softly, pressing harder against his touch.  When that didn't prompt him to do more she pulled away from his lips just long enough to implore, "Please, love me," before grinding her mouth against his again to make her demand clear.

He groaned her name into her mouth as his hands lifted her satin shirt up.  An instant later the garment skimmed over her head and cool air bathed her flushed torso.  She shivered in response, but he was back, his warm palms stroking over her bare skin.

She set to work on the buttons of his shirt.  Benny Ray helped her, shrugging the flannel from his shoulders.  His skin was also warm and she lowered her head to his chest and inhaled his scent.  It made her feel safe, and ignited a hot, raging fire deep in her belly – something she didn't expect.  Her tongue flicked out, laving over one of his hard nipples.

The sniper groaned softly, the sound inflaming her senses even further.  She reached down and cupped his hardness through his jeans and squeezed.

He sucked in a sharp breath and moved, laying her back against her pillows.  Margo sighed softly, closing her eyes when she felt his lips close around one of her nipples, enjoying the sensations as it hardened and grew larger as he drew his tongue across the tip, again and again and again.  He kept up his attack, moving from one nipple to the other, his hands moving over her belly and legs, until she felt like she was beginning to float above the bed, the sensation heady and exciting.  She arched, pushing herself further into his mouth.  He kissed and suckled her.  Then he pulled back and leaned over, directly above her face.

"This what you really want?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, meeting his gaze in the dim moonlight.  His blue eyes looked incredibly pale, almost icy, but the love and desire she saw reflected in them made them warm.  She shivered, realizing that she did want _him_ , not Matt.  She immediately shoved the confusion that reaction caused to the far corners of her mind, then reached up and lightly stroked his cheek with her nails.

He slipped his hand behind her neck and covered her mouth with his own.  She parted her lips again and he slipped his tongue inside her mouth, teasing her, exploring her with a hungry gentleness that sent desire burning through her veins.  She whimpered and took his head in her hands, crushing his mouth harder against hers.

Benny Ray kissed her for a long time, letting her ravage his lips while his body began to love hers.  He listened to her sighs, felt her respond to his touch, and before long she began to twitch.

"Benny Ray," she nearly growled.  Margo felt like she was on fire, burning with a desire she had never experienced before.  What was it about Benny Ray that could so undo her?  There was no answer, and no time to think about it.

She forced herself to move, reaching for his zipper, which made a whirring noise in the quiet room.  "I want–"

"I know," he interrupted.  Leaning back, away from her, he helped her yank his jeans and briefs over his clenched buttocks and down his flanks.  "I want, too," he added, stopping only long enough to remove his jeans, shoes and socks.

Naked at last, he climbed back onto the bed and surged forward, arching his body against hers.

Margo welcomed his advance with enfolding, silken thighs.  Through the satin shorts she still wore she could feel his hardness and the demanding sensation it elicited in her core drove her wild with need.  She reached for the waistband, but the sniper was faster.  He pulled the soft satin material and her lace panties down over her legs.

Once she was naked, his hands moved over her skin, delighting, teasing, loving.  He leaned over to taste her, here and there.  His movements were quick, but his touch was gentle, caring, and her need escalated in a spiral of demanding pleasure.  She thrust her hips up and opened her legs.

Kneeling between her parted thighs, Benny Ray cupped her aching breasts in his hands, then lowered his head to bury his face in her valley.  Emitting a low, hungry growl, he claimed her.

As his scorching hands searched her out and his scalding mouth suckled her, she could not control her small twisting and twitches.  Her legs were restless and impatient, and her hands urged him to give her more.

She arched up as sensation topped sensation, freeing her from the cold shadows that had haunted her mind since her rescue, releasing her fears for the first time in too long.

He rose and straddled her, dipping his head to tease her nipples again.

"Benny Ray, please," she pleaded, her hands on his sides tugging him to her.  She shifted her hips to better accommodate him.

He hesitated, his own body shivering with need.  She reached down and placed him to her heat.  The breath whooshed from him.  She lifted her hips again, but she needed his help.  "Now… please."

Drawing a breath, Benny Ray wedged his legs between hers, then clasped her hips and raised her from the mattress.  He thrust forward, driving into her with a single powerful stroke.

Margo gasped at the sudden sensation, the welcome size of him filling her.  She drew in a long, deep breath and felt him leap within her body.  Excitement shimmered through her core, which pulsed as her excitement began to build.

She dug her nails into his shoulders.  "Do it now," she begged.  "Please."

Those words were all it took.  He began driving into her, soft groans of pleasure welling from his throat as his pace quickened.  His excitement carried her along and she quickly lost all control, her body undulating and rippling under him.  Her legs opened wider as surges of pleasure coursed through her with each of his thrusts.

Margo clung to the sniper, arched for him, moved with him as, driving, driving, Benny Ray propelled his magnificent body deeper, ever deeper, straining in an agony of pleasure to please her.  He wanted her to come so he could pleasure her again before he lost his own control.  Then he felt some invisible cord snap, flinging Margo into a cascading maelstrom of pulsating sensation.  She grabbed his shoulders, lifted her chin for air and cried out lowly as her velvet walls convulsed around him over and over.

When it was finally over, he carefully eased his weight off her body.

"Oh… oh," she moaned quietly.

Benny Ray looked down into her half-closed eyes, then leaned over and kissed the hollow of her throat.  He growled with pleasure and nipped gently at her skin, his own chest heaving.

She squirmed under him and he kissed her again.

Without really thinking, he sat up, taking her with him.  He held her cradled in his arms as she sat in his lap.  His trembling hands barely pressed against her back, as if he thought she'd break if he touched her again.

She smiled up at him and reached her fingers to his dark hair, then ran her hands along his rigid shoulders in a pleasure of touching.  She rubbed her breasts against his hair-textured chest and squirmed her hips.  Benny Ray was deeply aroused and she desperately wanted him back inside of her – the sooner the better.

He ran his hands down her back again, this time tracing over her buttocks and sinking his fingers into her flesh hard enough to let her know what she was doing to him, but not sharp enough to hurt her.

Lying back, he pulled her down on top of him.  Her swollen breasts mashed against his chest and she felt his need pressing against her.  She took his head in her hands and kissed him hard, then crawled off of him.  He might have controlled himself earlier, but now she was determined to drive him beyond that mastery.  She made him gasp and groan, and when her hand finally touched his hardness, he clenched his teeth so hard she could hear it.

She moved on top of him again, fit him to her, and rode him voluptuously.  But he kept his hands on her hips, controlling her, not allowing her release, or his own.  She panted in frustration and he lifted her from him and laid her on his body.

Then he began to show her other pleasures they hadn't yet explored.  His kisses changed and they made love at his pace.  He entered her, moving exquisitely, then separated and rested, prolonging their loving.  She became malleable and pliant.  He did not.

Taking her once again, he knew as he eased into her tight heat that he could no longer control his passion.  She seemed to sense his nearness to release and took over, thrusting with a wild abandon that surprised him.  He could only try to pace her until they both reached the zenith, hung there, then seemed to shatter before they fell back to reality, their spent bodies fused in tremors.

They lay still for a long time, managing to do little more than breathe.  When her heart finally quieted, Margo ran her hand over the sniper's too-short hair and tenderly kissed his shoulder.  He was still inside her and she realized that she honestly liked the feeling, the oneness they shared.  She rubbed his back and cuddled him.

"Thank you."

"Think that's my line," he drawled, his accent a little more pronounced.  There was also awe in his voice, marvel.  He came out of her and rolled onto his back, lying still, taking deep breaths.

She glanced over him.  He looked spent, exhausted, but he felt for her hand and held it, their fingers entwining.  It was a tender gesture, and she appreciated it.  She lay down beside him, feeling the emotions she'd thought she'd purged earlier well up to engulf her again.  She cried.

Benny Ray didn't talk a lot, but he frequently touched her, communicating his understanding and his affection.  He absently toyed with her hair or her fingers after the tears had stopped and she told him about what had happened.  When she was done she pressed her face against his bare shoulder, and the sniper wrapped his arm protectively around her.  She closed her eyes, basking in how close she felt to him, how safe and how happy.  He was a very special man.

 _Because he loves you_ , a part of her mind whispered.  _And you needed to be loved by someone who loves you…_

 _Yes_ , she replied.  _I know_.  She had sensed his feelings for her early on, and respected him for never once speaking about it, or acting on it.  That was what had made it possible for her to go to him the first time.  But she also knew that he paid a terrible cost each time they were together, because she also knew that he never expected to have her.  He knew her heart belonged to someone else, although more and more now she wondered just how much of it the sniper also held, whether or not he knew it.

For his part, Benny Ray used the silence to contemplate how different it was for him to make love with Margo.  Other women had writhed in his arms and made similar sounds.  Why was she so special?

And she was; very special.  To make love with her was awesome.  She was what that misused word was meant to describe.  Everything about her – from her body, to her mind, to her skills as an operator… she was perfection.  He loved her with his soul, but he knew that she loved Matt, not him.  He just wished the two of them could be happy together.

          He felt her shiver and quickly covered them with the blankets, then folded her into his arms again.  "Y' know," he said softly, "one of these days you've gotta tell Matt how ya feel."

          She hugged him with such violent anguish that she was immobilized for a moment.  "I can't," she managed.

          "Why?" Benny Ray asked.  "I know he feels the same way, even if he can't admit it.  I know he knows it, too.  Maybe he could if ya helped him."

          She shook her head.  "It's too dangerous."

          "It's too dangerous not to."

          She closed her eyes and held him tighter.  "I do love him," she admitted softly and felt him flinch slightly.  "But it's… complicated."

          "Love usually is," Benny Ray replied softly.

          She nodded.  "I know."

          "The longer ya wait, the harder it'll be."

          "I know," she sighed.  "But I can't.  Not yet.  It would– We couldn't work together."

          Benny Ray chuckled softly.  "Damn, Margo, if he loves ya now, why would anything change if ya both admitted it?"

          She hesitated, then chuckled softly.  "Okay, you have a point.  But it's not just that.  I'm not sure that's what I want…  I like the way things are."

          "But that changed when you were in Korea?"

          She paused, trying to shift through the tangle of emotions that she'd been trying to sort though since their rescue.  Sighing softly, she said, "I guess I just didn't want to die without having ever told him…  And I guess I was hoping he might feel the same way."

          "I'll bet he told you," Benny Ray replied softly, "just not in so many words."

          She smiled.  "I have to admit, when it comes to how he feels, Matt's about as loquacious as you are."

          The sniper grinned.  "Guess I'm in good company, then."

          Margo pushed up onto her elbow and looked down at him, her eyebrows pinched together.  "Doesn't this bother you?"

          "What?" he asked, looking honestly clueless about what she was asking.

          "Us.  This.  Matt," she replied.

          He shrugged.  No, he wasn't bothered.  Confused, yes, but he could deny her nothing.  And he couldn't tell her that, either.  Or that he would gladly take whatever she was willing to give him, for as long as she wanted to give it.  "I guess I just want ya to be happy.  You and Matt.  And from what I've seen, that's only gonna happen when the two of ya are finally together."

          She studied him for a moment.  "You're serious."

          His eyebrows arched.  "Yeah."

          She leaned over and kissed his cheek.  A _very_ special man.  "Maybe someday," she said softly, snuggling down next to him.  "But not yet."  _And what would I do about you?_

          "Not my place to tell ya what ya should do…"

          "Shh," she said, her fingers moving through the hair on his chest.  It was too complicated to think about right now – Matt, Benny Ray, what she wanted, what she didn't want… far too complicated.  All she wanted right now was Benny Ray lying beside her, killing the shadows.  The rest could wait for another day…

  


* * *

[1]  "Life After Death"

[2]  "Embracings" _  
_


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